Of marriage and Mary Chapin

Trooper

[I don't really have any dog-themed photos for this post, so I'm just using pics of our current pack. It's useful to occasionally remind myself which dogs are actually ours.]


Clay and I date our anniversary from our first "formal date" which was 18 years ago this next week.  (Actually Clay is the one who dates it because the only date I can remember was the year I graduated from high school, and I only remember that because it was the bicentennial year--1976.)  We had a few coffee dates and had hung out together after work, but our first actual date was going to hear Mary Chapin Carpenter perform at Wolf Trap.

Sparky, my personal trainer

Marriage wasn't on the table or even on the horizon at that time, and frankly I didn't expect it to be in our lifetime in this puritanical uptight country. I wrote about this once before, three years ago, right after New York state passed a law extending the definition of marriage to same sex couples. Here's a link to that blog, and it's one of my personal favorites. What I said then is still true--I made the commitment in my heart that night and no ceremony, certificate, or official sanction by the state can or will do anything to strengthen it.

Gigi, my beautiful girlfriend

But times have changed. Faster than most of us would ever have predicted, there has been a massive shift in public opinion. Just ten years ago, the republicans were pushing anti-gay ballot measures across the country as a way of turning out ignorant, white-trash voters, i.e., the heart and soul of the republican party. Closet case Karl Rove pushed these ballot measures as he was promoting Bush, McCain, Romney, and other republicans across the country. But as public opinion shifted, it became less valuable as a political ploy by the right wing, although they still use it to stir up the base when they need to raise money or hate.

Vince, the most loyal of the pack

Anti-gay measures were defeated in some states at the polls, and other states, such as New York, actually extended marriage by legislative action. Democratic politicians no longer run away from the issue and in fact our Governor, Lt. Governor, and Attorney General all ran, and won, while embracing marriage equality. The biggest strides have come from the courts, however, and most recently the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit upheld a decision from a federal district court in Virginia that struck down the ban on gay marriage in this state. It's a little early to be setting a date, however, as the issue is headed to the Supreme Court where we are still, I think, one vote short of an assured victory. Still, even many on the right have pretty much admitted they have lost this battle and have once again aligned themselves on the wrong side of history.

Maya, our little girl

I guess what has got me thinking about all this is the Fourth Circuit opinion that came out this week, our upcoming anniversary, and the fact that today we are once again headed to Wolf Trap to hear Mary Chapin Carpenter and to privately renew our vows. I still don't "need" to get married, but if the day comes that we can walk down to our county courthouse and get a marriage license along side all the pregnant teenagers marrying their cousins we will do so. How could we not? It would be like being black and still sitting in the back of the bus.


I guess this is a proposal of sorts. Clay deserves a better one and I'll see what I can do when the time comes.