Chasing the cure

My mood, demeanor, attitude, call it what you will, has been spiraling downward for weeks. My house is falling down around my ears, my body has never felt as old, fat, and ugly as it currently is, and if I were to jettison everything that didn't spark joy in my life, I'd be standing on the side of a road with a cup of coffee and a bag of chocolate. The dogs provide a reason to carry on, but not much else right now. Even the adoption of a long term and difficult dog like Hugo didn't do much for me. I've grown increasingly angry with everyone around me, which is really just the dogs, but mostly I'm angry at myself for allowing this to happen. 

I know what the problem is, and I even know what the cure is, or at least what has always worked in the past. I can't do anything about the dark season, or the crappy cloudy wet weather. I know I can't allow my own happiness to be dependent on other people, and what they do or don't do. I have to literally get off my ass and do it myself. I've become entirely too sedentary. I didn't get out and do much this summer and used the heat as an excuse. Then the puppies came along and provided a 10-12 week excuse for not doing anything. And my job keeps me pretty busy but it also keeps me sitting on my ass. 

The only antidepressant that has ever worked for me is exercise, and it's what I need the most even when I feel least like doing it. But today I at least tried to make a start at chasing the cure. Maya and I went on a short, two mile walk. It was a very small start, but it made me realize how sore my body is from inactivity, and even a small step in the right direction improved my mood a bit too. I'm going to start making it an non-negotiable priority part of my day.

I had enough daylight for a second short work with Della, but I really needed to get the boys out for some exercise as well, so I skipped the walk and took Della, Max, River, and Declan to the pasture for a run. 

Serena didn't accompany us because she's limping on a sore front leg. Della ran Declan around some.

As far as I can tell, River hasn't vomited any more. I backed off the satin balls and am just feeding him dog food again. 

Declan has spent the last two nights out in Daneland because I couldn't deal with both him and River in the house tearing stuff up.

River was banished to the dog yard shed last night because he was chewing stuff up in the kitchen and I wasn't in the mood. It's supposed to turn cold tonight so I'll bring them both inside again. Hopefully the outing to the pasture will make them more content indoors. I plan to crate River and I will medicate him and/or Declan as much as necessary to have a quiet night.