K9 Rescue Barbie

I didn't write this. It circulates on the internet throughout rescue world from time to time. It always makes me laugh, and cringe a bit too, because there is quite a bit of truth in it and it hits close to home.

This Christmas season, give the latest, hottest new Barbie -- K-9 Rescue Barbie. She comes with her own Ford Aerostar van, and various size dog crates inside. She has a cell phone that's barely working due to over use and underpayment. Barbie herself is decked out in jeans, grungy athletic shoes, and a t-shirt that reads: "Dogs are Better Than Any Other Living Thing on Earth." She comes with a road atlas of every town and state in all of North America, and a compass on the dashboard of the van. She also has a map of every McDonald's in the world.

Optional is the special Rescue Dog Barbie laptop computer with the names and addresses of every other dog rescue person on earth, in case she gets somewhere and a contact fails to show up. Running buddy, "Lucky", the three-legged, blind Shih Tzu doll is available for an additional $ 49.95. For $89.95, you can complete the set with "Pissed off husband at home, Ken,"and the various foster dogs at $ 20 each. Prices for accessories are:

Fake snow falling on Barbie's van: $12.95

Barbie's first aid kit: (human): $11.75, (canine): $69.50

Barbie's speeding ticket: $95 (Mississippi--$195)

Barbie's coat-that-she-had-to-buy-in-Minnesota: $85

Barbie's vet bill for Lucky in Vaughn, New Mexico: $63.45

Barbie's contact, Rhonda, who she had to give gas money to in MesaVerde, Texas: $20

Barbie's bill to get her contact, Luis, out of jail in Bakersfield, California: $500

Barbie's bill to get Luis's dogs out of the pound in Bakersfield, California: $265

Barbie's hotel/kennel bill in Laughlin, Nevada, while she waits for her contact: $532

Barbie's overalls that she has to buy in Minden, Nebraska, hunting down lost coonhounds: $49.95

Pizza for Barbie's suspicious looking hitchhiker with sick puppy: $15

Vet bill for hitchhiker's sick puppy in Des Moines, Iowa: $143.29

Barbie's doggie wheelchair for "Klause" the rescue dachshund in Leavenworth, Kansas: $143

Detailing/fumigation of Barbie's van after hauling parvo/kennel cough puppies: $187

Friend Edith, 87-year-old feral cat colony feeder, who calls begging favors when her arthritis acts up and she can't get out: $59.95

Food for Edith's colony cats (after all, Edith is on Social Security): $139.95

Friend Margie, do-gooder with pristine home and one spoiled cat, whose idea of being a rescuer is to pick up strays and take them to Barbie for rehab, vetting, fostering, and placement: $89.95

Vet bills for Margie's rescues: $892.95

Mother Sadie, who calls weekly to ask Barbie when she is going to get rid of all those smelly dogs and give her some grandchildren already: $ 89.95

Shrink, who talks Barbie out of killing above-mentioned persons each week: $500

Barbie's resume to get new job when she gets home from run: $29.95

Vet who makes house calls and doesn't blink at unannounced visits and odd-hour consultations: priceless.