Regrettable, but . . .

I don't hold much back in this blog, good or bad.  It's really may way of vocalizing or venting my thoughts and frustrations.  Rescue isn't always about happy endings, and today was one of those.  It was actually a few days ago that I made the decision that it would be necessary to euthanize D Dog.  He's the shepherd/rottie mix I took in from another foster home last week to give him another chance. 

At first I thought things were going to be ok because all I was seeing was the stubborn refusal behavior on his part.  He's about 80 pounds, but I'm considerably more than that, so I prevailed in our first few disputes.  After that he tried a new tactic, and showed me his fearful side, which was truly scary.  He was scared when I would reach for his collar, even to just attach a leash.  He would back away, growl, snarl, and bare his teeth at me.  The dog had bitten someone in the prior foster home and I believe he was fully capable and prepared to do it, although he didn't actually want to.

His fear response was unpredictable, and sometimes defied explanation.  Fear of being grabbed, leashed, collared, or restrained I can understand and we can generally attribute that to prior abuse or just lack of socialization.  But sometimes he would just stand in the doorway of the shed and growl at me for no apparent reason.  I'm not a dog psychic, I'm not a behavioral expert, but I do know when I have a dog that I can't take out in public with any hope of finding an adopter.  He was going to bite someone eventually and that was going to be unpleasant for the bite victim (most likely me because he wasn't going anywhere else), and ultimately for him. 

So this morning I got up early, let him and the others out of the shed to romp a bit and then got him back into the shed and filled his belly with canned dog food and acepromazine.  He was getting pretty woozy but the time we got to the vet's office, where he got an injection of another drug that got him laying down and almost sleeping.  It was only then that I was finally able to hold this dog, pet him, kiss him, and snuggle with him the way a rottie likes.  He liked it too.  When the drugs first hit him he laid down with his head on my foot.  I got down onto the floor with him and held his head in my lap.  If I stopped petting him for a moment, he moved his head in search of my hand. 

I stroked him and kissed him and said goodbye.  I didn't know what else to do.  There's too many dogs out there that I can help and this was one that I couldn't. 

p.s., I don't want any sympathetic responses.  Save the sympathy for D Dog and the others like him and the many adoptable dogs and cats who are needlessly destroyed everyday because people are too damn stupid, uncaring, cheap, or just plain lazy to get their pets spayed and neutered.