Fathers and sons



Riker, 6 years ago



Much has been written and said about the relationship between fathers and sons.  There's not really anything I can contribute to that, but an email and photos I received yesterday from the adopter of Zachary's father got me thinking about it.



Zachary, 6 years ago



My father died young, when I was in law school, before I was fully "out" so I never had the chance to develop the same type of adult relationship that I did with my mother.  He died before Clay came along, of course, so they never got to meet.  Clay's father died before I came along as well, so I never met him although I've since heard and learned a lot about him.  I regret the missed opportunities, but it's hard to speculate about what the nature of the relationship would be if we were all here, alive and well today.  Our mothers have met and get along well and I have no reason to believe that our fathers would have any problem with our choice of partners. 

Mostly I wonder about the nature and quality of relationship that we both would have with our own fathers if they were alive today.  Father/son relationships are often uneasy, at best. The gay/straight thing may complicate that even more, but it's not really the cause of the difficulty.  One of the great things about a same sex relationship, I think, is that we are not trying to communicate with the opposite sex.  I'm not sure that's particularly helpful in the context of the father/son relationship, however. There is something seemingly inherent in the relationship that prevents the two from becoming easy confidants. My father was not pushy or overbearing in any way.  But even without any sort of overt paternal expectation, I think that sons are inclined to feel the burden of an expectation, perhaps self-made and projected onto their father, that they will not be able to meet.  That may be a socially useful human emotion, driving some to succeed at levels greater than necessary for mere survival.



Riker, now



I have no answer, and like I said, not really anything to contribute, but seeing Riker's pictures reminded me of Zachary's relationship with his father, which I always thought was remarkable. 

We got Riker, Zachary (then called Dante), and a female GSD named Strika, from a shelter over in the valley.  Husband and wife split up and husband was left with the dogs, which he barely fed.  They were all emaciated and had been surrendered to animal control to avoid neglect charges. 



Zachary, a couple years ago



The female put on weight when she started getting food on a regular basis and was fine.  She was adopted out locally to a really great home.  It soon became apparent that Riker and Zachary had a digestive problem that prevented them from deriving any value from the food they ate.  We eventually got that sorted out with a grain-free kibble and raw food.  Riker is now 11 years old, looks great, and is going strong.  Zachary grew into a magnificent dog that any canine father would be proud to call his son. 

What I remember about these two from the time that we had them both together is how close they were.  When they ran together, they ran as one--Zachary about half a step behind so he could follow Riker's movements, but not even a half step away from his side.  It was remarkable to watch and I've never seen the likes of it, except watching a foal move about with a mare, glued to her side and following her every movement so close that it appears to be a well-choregraphed ballet.

The final picture, below, is another really spectacular human/canine photo showing the closeness, the bond, and the shared happiness between the two.



Riker and his adopter